


As Snow blankets the Ocean

by Cryon



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-14 10:06:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14133828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cryon/pseuds/Cryon
Summary: A series of drabbles centered around Umi, Eli and the exploration of their relationship. Scattered episodes chronicling their intimate journey to discover each other and the peculiarities of this mystery called "love".





	1. (Y)our promise

I couldn’t help being surprised, when my gaze met yours in front of the school's entrance.

“Eli?”

I saw my befuddled face sparkling into the blue of your eyes. I watched as the familiar warmth of your smile melted my expression into one of delight, inevitably drawing my lonely steps towards you like they’d done time and again, in a time that now seems so impossibly far.

“Hello, Umi. Working hard like usual, are we?”

The quiet melody of your voice, bereft of the trappings of telephonic noise. Like a caress to my ears, a gentle lullaby in the chaos of an everyday life spent with my dear,  _ somewhat  _ loud friends. A few mundane words which, like a magical spell, relieve me of the stress accumulated on my shoulders; and as they let themselves down, the corners of my mouth run to the opposite direction.

“Harder, you mean. If I left everything up to Honoka, the student council room wouldn’t be able to hold all the accumulated papers… I had it much easier when I was helping you, former president.”

Your laughter, subdued and polite, never derisive. The way you bring your lightly clenched fist to your chin, like a preventive measure against the risk of letting yourself go too much. I couldn’t help admire this and a myriad of other details, the little blocks that together built your admirably elegant existence.

“Sounds like you’ve missed me quite a bit.”

Just a silly joke… is what I thought it was, but thinking about it now, I have to wonder. Was that your subtle way of prodding me, Eli? If so, what did you think of me when, without missing a beat, I couldn’t stop the words from working their way up my throat, a voice born from somewhere nearer my heart than in a strictly physical sense?

“Yeah, I really have.”

I wonder whose eyebrows jumped the highest when we both found ourselves taken aback, me most of all, and by something I’d blurted out myself to boot! It was supposed to be normal, after all. An absolutely inconsequential statement shared between close friends without any deeper meaning other than the most obvious one.

I can’t help feeling ashamed, when I think that just like that, you might have figured out my feelings before I had done so myself… it’s the truth, isn’t it? There’s no other way to explain how oddly pleased your chuckle sounded, while you watched me stammer for reasons I couldn’t yet grasp.

“It makes me happy, hearing that… and a bit less worried.”

_ Worried? _ But you simply shook your head at me echoing that strange addition, looking serene as ever.

“Say, Umi. Can I ask you for a favor?”

“Of course you can! If it’s anything I can do, don’t hesitate and tell me what it is about.”

I followed your glance as it moved past me, to the school building behind me. To the place where for a whole year we shared the most precious memories of our lives, where everything had begun and come to an end almost too soon.

“I’m sorry to impose on you like this after you just came out, but… I’d like to see it one last time.”

I didn’t have to inquire to know how to fill the unspoken gap in her request. I just nodded, and together we began strolling past the gates, through the entrance door and the corridors bathed in the warm colors of a lazily setting sun’s light. Wordlessly sharing nothing but each other’s presence and the mingling noise of our footsteps as we cut through the fog of the remembrances we shared in that place, a pathway leading us to the sliding door behind which an empty room waited to welcome us.

I realize now that it wasn’t simply the overpowering reverie of seeing again the furniture and walls where you had spent so much of your time at Otonokizaka, which made you linger on the doorway for that small yet significant moment of passing hesitation. I thought that the lump you swallowed before taking the first step into that room was one made of longing tears. And while I don’t doubt that this may have realistically been a piece of the truth, I certainly couldn’t tell back then.

That the slight shiver in your fingers as they brushed across the desks’ surfaces. The quiver in your lip which you couldn’t quite bite away in its entirety. The uneasy, awkward movements of your legs, which seemed primed to fall apart and bring you down with them and forced you to sit yourself down at your old seat, the sterile little throne of your former realm. That all of it stemmed more from the fateful words brewing inside of your heart, than the thoughts stirred by the thick coating of nostalgia covering every inch of the student council room.

Maybe… maybe I admired your strengths too much to notice your weaknesses. After all, your existence was a dazzling beacon of maturity and grace to me, an ideal I couldn’t help strive for. Your qualities emitted a beautiful radiance which blotted out any shortcomings you might have had in my perception.

It’s for that reason that, when you invitingly tapped the chair next to yours, I sat there thinking that you had anything but me in your wistful eyes. You tried, by averting them towards the lockers filled with paperwork, to the shelves littered with all manners of supplies I’d spent a long time rearranging in an orderly fashion, to stall for time. By prolonging that little comedy you’d come up with as an excuse, a prelude to the real reason that had kept you waiting at the school gates on that tranquil Monday afternoon.

“I can see that you’ve been taking great care of my old little hideout.”

I wouldn’t have giggled like I did, had I known what was coming.

“It’s a lot less tiring than dance practice, I can say that much. Not that Honoka and the others seem to any keener on helping on that front...”

“Which is why you spent half an hour tidying everything up?”

“Yeah, pretty mu… wait. How do you know that?”

It had been a long, long while since I had seen your wink. A mischievous crack in your composed persona, which rather than diminish it ended up accentuating your charm. I envied that nonchalant ability to juggle the different facets of yourself in so seamless a way that they complemented each other, rather than being stuck in a mutual clash for supremacy. Compared to me, who would creak and crash into a shameful mess with enough pressure…

I say I envied you, but in truth, how could have I harbored such an ugly feeling, when there was no space left in me other than for my idolization of you?

“I met the others on their way out. It was them who told me you’d stayed behind to tend to some business here.”

“But… then that means you had been waiting for more than thirty minutes!”

“An hour, actually. Give or take a couple of minutes, anyway.”

I was at a loss. My jaw was hanging, but filling my mouth was nothing except empty air. There was no need to speak anyway, when my bewildered face by itself was already all but screaming the question lingering in my mind:  _ why? _ Why hadn’t you gone with the others, or waited so long just to meet… me? There was something unsettlingly strange about it all, a scratch mark on an otherwise perfectly audible record that gave a familiar tune an unrecognizable spin.

The apologetic shadow bearing on your smiling expression wasn’t what kept me from understanding. No, it was me… it was my happiness.

I felt happy. About feeling your presence in my life after a minuscule timeframe that now felt like an eternity, and an unbearable one at that. The unique solace that I’d come to enjoy during those quiet afternoons spent together, lost in idle chatter with the noise of shifting papers as our sole accompanying background noise. I could sense the overwhelming pangs of bliss rippling through my body as my heart’s beating grew incessantly louder, feeding off the idea that you harbored the same deep fondness I’d developed for those moments… for that minuscule, insignificant slice of innocent intimacy that we’d carved exclusively for ourselves, outside of our group. I couldn’t stop myself from basking in the tempting conviction that you missed our fragile little world as much as I did.

And, desperately, I tried to suffocate the egotistical glee I derived, from the belief that you’d chosen me specifically among the others, as if I was somehow worthy of a special kind of attention. I was scared by the alien nature of this joy, unlike any other I’d ever experienced before in my life.

I was waiting for you to dispel all of that for me. Like always, clinging to your reassuring aura came naturally to my weak self - and yet, even I, dense as I was, could sense that things were traveling down a completely different path from the one I was used to.

“Don’t make that face. I was just planning to fulfill a promise.”

“A… promise?”

You nodded, so gravely that you made it seem like you had the entire world’s weight on your head.

“Yeah. One I made to myself. And… one I would have kept way, way before, if I wasn’t such a coward.”

Ayase Eli, the proud, confident girl that all of us looked up to for her seemingly bottomless wisdom, a coward? I wouldn’t have believed anyone who would have told me this kind of nonsense, but it sounded even less reasonable coming from you.

I shook my head - I had to. Even caught in the maelstrom of my emotions as I was, I was firm in my beliefs that…

“You’re no coward! I don’t know what made you say it, that’s not you. The Eli I know is a strong, beautiful woman who pursued a dream with the rest of us… and she did so more bravely than anyone else.”

I saw you falter. I sensed the vibrations coursing underneath the arm I’d grabbed onto with my hand, without being able to discern whether you were the one trembling, or me. I watched as you silently fished for a retort while staring at me from the corners of your eyes, unable to properly face me as if desperate to prove your own point. And I witnessed the return of something resembling a smile on your lips: it looked as if they were draining the happiness straight out of your increasingly pained gaze.

“A ‘strong, beautiful woman’, mh? Some people could fall for flattery like that.”

By the way, that was a low blow. The lowest, bottom of the barrel blow, Eli! You  _ knew _ that I couldn’t handle you saying something so outrageous out loud! If you really were in need of a way to regain your composure, you could have thought of a better option than to shatter mine.

Did you find it so funny, when I became a stuttering mess unable to tell you that wasn’t the case? Well, it sure wasn’t for me!

Phew.

It’s unfair. It’s really, really unfair. I should be… okay, I  _ am _ mad about it. Just a little. Because even so, more than that… paradoxical though it may sound, I am grateful. If I think of it as a sacrifice I was forced into making, then it’s a ridiculously low price to pay for the result it lead to.

For the moment when I felt the weight and warmth of your slightly trembling hand fall on mine, their connected shapes laid on the desk, distracting me, but not enough that I couldn’t hear your quiet whisper.

“People like me.”

I don’t know how much time I spent in silent contemplation of your hand covering mine. It was all I could allow myself to do, as if written on your smooth skin was an alternate interpretation to words that carried within themselves a single, clear meaning.

I was finding myself overwhelmed by a maelstrom of confusion, anxiety and happiness occasioned by my sheer inability to process the first confession I had ever received in my life. And it was  _ you _ who had to give it to me. Like an infant given a fishing rod and sent to hunt whales, to say I wasn’t prepared would be the understatement of the century.

I shut down. Every rational function in my brain shorted out, leaving my instincts alone in charge of doing something for breaking a silence that was quickly growing to become intolerable. What resulted of it was the most sincere expression of the chaotic mess brewing inside my head:

“Eh?”

Tension seemed to be amplifying even the slightest noise inside the student council room. I could hear the boom from my copiously blinking eyelids. Your resigned sigh, like a cyclone that threatened to sweep the both of us away. Our hearts, rumbling in unison like tectonic plates smashing against each other.

“I’m sorry. I rehearsed this in my head a billion times over, but… there was no point to it other than lifting a weight off my chest. It’s… ahah, it’s a bit frustrating, but I guess I’ll have to concede my loss to Honoka after all.”

A gelid bucket of water washed over my garbled thoughts, throwing me out of a daze and straight into another. I had to really hate my mind for having struggled so hard to understand everything prior to that point, while somehow being able to figure out exactly what you had meant with that bewildering last remark.

“Huh… huh? Wait. W-w-w-wait. I… Honoka? You think--no, no! Nonono, not Honoka! What, why, how would you come to that kind of conclusion?! Rather than that, weren’t you and Nozomi… y-y-you know!  _ That _ ?”

“Wh… whaaaa?! We’re just friends, friends!”

“Well, so are me and Honoka!”

“O-okay, so that means…”

“Yes. No! I don’t… l-l-like Honoka. I mean… not like… that.”

“I… see.”

“And you…?”

You shook your head with so little confidence, and then did it again so fast that your face became a blur. When I could see it clearly again, I couldn’t believe it… Eli, mature, elegant Eli, was smiling so close to me with a face that belonged to an excited child. I couldn’t tell whether mine was burning red by its own volition, or because yours was radiating so much heat by itself.

I couldn’t stand looking directly at you long enough to know, anyway. Turning my head only to find my hand still trapped under yours did the opposite of helping, to say the least. All it would have taken would have been a slight movement to separate them… a movement that I did not make, which I couldn’t and did  _ not _ want to make.

Even if admitting so out loud would have been the coup-de-grace to my already faltering will.

“I’m glad. I’m really, really glad.”

Your voice seemed to reach me from a far away place, attempting to lure me out of the cave where I had gone in hiding, along with my inability to deal with the scary, scary reality of the outside world where my relationships had been thrown into disarray.

“I thought… I always did, that you looked at Honoka in a way that--I had resigned myself to the belief that there would be no chance of you ever looking at me in the same way. Even if it doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll be able to respond to my feelings, just knowing that there could be a chance is… aah, sorry. It sounds pretty silly when you think about it, doesn’t it...”

You said that you are a coward. What does that make me then, Eli? That when you moved your hand away and reached for it, so that my fingers could slowly, hesitatingly push it down on the cold surface of the desk, I still couldn’t bring my eyes to meet yours?

“Y-you know.”

What do you call a person like me, who had to muster every fiber of strength in her body to resist the urge to flee from that room, and the shifting tides of our feelings as they vyed to reach each other?

“You weren’t wrong per se.”

I may have felt you tense up from our connected limbs, but it was me who felt like dying inside. From shame, from my inability to deal with the surfacing of sentiments that you had finally brought to light. From the fear that every single word or action could have stomped the seedling we had just begun watering.

“Truth be told, I do admire Honoka. Her enthusiasm, her way of tackling everything head-on without thinking about consequences… her reckless freedom is something I have always looked up to ever since we knew each other.”

It’s a strange sensation, taking in air and yet feeling your lungs trying to trick you into believing they are empty. Pushing sentence after sentence out, like scooping the insides of a particularly dense fruit with a spoon.

Emptying the contents of your heart, and baring them out for the one whom you would like the most, and the least, to see.

“But, Eli, see… I am content with staring at Honoka’s back. Following her as she carves her own way through life, supporting her if she ever were to slow down… I love Honoka for what she is - my friend. Nothing less, nothing more.”

I wonder what kind of expression I was wearing, when I showed it to you. It had to be a weird, grotesque mask. I wish I could have shown you a prettier face… it’s what’s proper when confessing, isn’t it?

“W-with you, it  _ is _ different. I thought that it would be fine if I could do the same with you too. That if I could follow your footsteps, admiring you from a distance, as long as you’d allow me, then I’d be satisfied. But… I think I’m not entirely satisfied with that. I think that somehow, if it ever was possible for a foolish person like me… If I were allowed a wish, then it would be to walk side by side with you. T-together.”

I felt silence stretch the seconds passing by as we looked into each other’s eyes, one pair more disbelieving than the other, into an unbearable eternity. I want to looked away, from you and these bizarre, intense feelings that I was finally beginning to realize had been lingering within my heart for so, so long. And from me, the stupid idiot who didn’t quite know the correct way to let them flourish, if there ever was one.

I wanted to look away, but you did not let me, hypnotizing my eyes by trapping them within their reflection in yours.

“Does that mean that you…”

“I don’t know!”

Lies. A last ditch attempt to reach for the safety net out of the tempting unknown. I was caught between my fear of the mystery that was romance, and my newborn longing for its secrets.

“M-maybe… if you c… if you make a proper cooonf… err, if… a-ah?!”

But the biggest liar between the two of us was still you, Eli.

You called yourself a coward, didn’t you?

And yet, and yet.

I cannot for the life of me fathom the impossible depths of the courage it would have taken to do like you did, arising from your seat and pulling me along. The bravery required to take both of my hands, to so delicately hold my fingers within yours, and to look straight at me while performing something so outrageously bold. The fortitude that let you smile so gallantly even with your visage dyed a vibrant red.

You were no coward in that moment, Eli.

“I like… no. I  _ love _ you, Umi. I’ve loved you for a long time now, actually. I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you.”

To me, you were the bravest person on Earth. I was able to stay awake, rather than faint on the floor in a pool of my own embarrassment, because of the sheer strength of your feelings.

It was thanks to them, to  _ you _ , that I was able to see mine for what they were. To look you in the face, for the first time, with the pure sincerity of my bashful, scaredy self, and let it express itself like both of us wished it to.

A wavering gaze kept firm by the warmth of your hands, the charm of your happy smile, and your expectant eyes.

“So, Umi… how long are you going to make me wait before you say yes?”

An impish devil with the visage of an angel. I could have hated you for ruining the mood like that, if I wasn’t so overwhelmed with how much I realized I loved you.

“A-a-a-are you just assuming I’ll say y-yes?! I-I’m, maybe…”

“Ah! There, you said.”

“That didn’t, it didn’t coun…”

When I think about it now, I get the urge to cover my face and stifle a scream.

But if I were to do that, calling down the curtain on my transfixed eyes, I would see it again.

The sight of your features, growing in front of me as they come so close I can count the pores on your skin.

Your irises, peering through half-lidded windows into my bared soul, drinking in the sight of every emotion swimming into my eyes.

And, of course…

The soft curve of your lips.

The gentle touch of their flesh against mine.

The scent of your breath, making up for the one I’m holding in.

The hot air seeping through the opening in my vulnerable mouth, carrying with it your intimate warmth.

The pressure that pushes and invites me at once.

The instant that passes so briefly, and yet never seems to end.

Before I can stop myself, I’m instinctively retracing the sensations I experienced in that moment, when you snatched my innocence and heart in one fell swoop, forever sealing them with your mark.

And then, when I am done metabolizing the wave of shame and awkwardness that inevitably got ahold of me. When my visage has grown a tad less warmer, and my thoughts thawed out of their momentary paralysis. Once I have discarded the burden of my resistance to the novelty I thought I’d never get to experience, and believed I’d do just fine without.

Only then, do I reach for my lip with a quivering finger and trace its outline. As if I was attempting to retrieve the leftover specter of your presence on them.

As I yearn for you in my own immature, inexperienced way, I think back to the moment you pulled back and made me fall for you all over again, when your grin embraced my existence like I had always wished it would.

“Did this clear any remaining doubts?”

“.........Yes.”


	2. Teach me! Nico-sensei

Oh, I understand. No, really, I do. Why, I have people flock to charming, reliable and modest ol’ me pretty much 24/7. There’s nothing surprising about a sweet, delicate flower like yours truly having everyone buzz around her like a swarm of excited bees. Oh, it’s not easy, let me tell you.... Overflowing with natural charisma comes to a price. And that price, of course, is envy: ah, the tears I could weep, thinking about all the poor souls who had the misfortune of being born on the same planet as mine! It’s not unlike… sardines.   
Yes! It’s obvious when you think about it. Do you think people, be they young children or loving couples, flock to the aquarium to stare at boring, plain sardines?  _ Pfft _ , I hear you saying,  _ of course not, Nico-chan.  _ Yep, that’s right: they come to admire the colorful fishies who swim with the grace of angels! Like… huuh… yes, like… like dolphins! Gray is still a color, you know?! Not that it matters anyway. Why do you think dolphins are popular? Because they’re cute, and way, way smarter than your average fish. Well, okay, so maybe they technically don’t  _ quite _ count as fish, but so what! It’s a metaphor, don’t ruin it for me with your pedantry.   
Great, now I’ve lost where I was going with this… look, the point is, I’m great. Like, unfairly so. To the point where the only reason the lot of you don’t spend your days wallowing in self-pity and cursing my precious name is that you are too busy being grateful. To be able to share the very air I breathe, to know that an individual so exceptional like me exists… if there is a greater blessing, please do share it with me so I can tell you how and why you’re wrong.

I do understand all of that.

I understand, but I have to wonder. It’s not modesty speaking for me - even if I  _ do _ possess modesty by the bucketfuls - when I say that, for how obviously the choice was fated to fall of me, I’m a tad confused. Had it been anyone else, the question wouldn’t have crossed my mind… but it’s  _ you _ we’re talking about. Keeping the façade up is pointless with someone who knows better.

So enough beating around the bush, I respect you too much to waste our time with the usual charade. That, and the reason why you had me meet you on my day off at this café is too bewildering to even try and play it off. Seriously, dropping a bomb like that on the phone was bad enough, but being here and seeing you looking and sounding like you believe it even less than I did when you told me, well. I’m nowhere near cruel to the point I’d poke you out of malice for the heart attack you gave me with the news.

I mean, it’s  _ you _ we’re talking about. Just thinking about how hard it must have been to muster the courage to speak about it… I can feel the burden of a great responsibility on my shoulders, being made privy to that.

You’re finally relying on your trustworthy upperclassman, huh. Aren’t you a bit too late?

It’s okay. Even if it took you so long and, truth be told, I feel anything but prepared to play that role, I’ll do my best to try. I have to do that much at the very, very least for a dear friend of mine, no?

Still, still, still.

I don’t want to sound tactless (even if I will anyway), but out of principle I have to ask, Umi...

“...Why me?”

Aaah, don’t make that difficult face as if I’m putting you on the spot now! On a scale from one to ten, this barely makes it above zero compared to the main topic we’ll have to tackle soon because that’s why we’re here in the first place. If you start squirming in your seat now, I’ll have to ask the server for a bucket so I’ll have somewhere to shove your melted remains into.

“Err… you know.”

No, I don’t. That’s the whole reason I’m asking in the first place. And no, that awkward smile won’t magically wish away my true and tried Judgemental Eye.

“It’s not that I mind… I’m just surprised, is all. I mean, aside from  _ you know what, _ which is a whole bag of dynamite I can’t wait to see go off, it’s… I’m flattered, but come on. Out of seven of us, why did you pick  **me** for your little consultation? I would have thought that for this kind of thing you’d go to Honoka or Kotori at the very least.”

This is the part where I’d expect you to start flapping your arms wildly and shoot a machine gun barrage of  _ nonono _ ’s. Not… exactly what kind of expression is that? Is that a smile? That doesn’t even spell ‘embarrassment’ as much as ‘nasty case of constipation’. I don’t envy the tangled mess of feelings that could give birth to such a crooked array of facial features.

“I’ll admit that I did consider doing so at first. But after thinking it over, well… You know more than anyone how the others are, Nico.”

I mull it over while idly sipping on the straw dipped into my smoothie - strawberry flavored, of course. One by one, the former members of μ's begin appearing on the greatest of stages - my mind, again, of course. I’ll have to admit that it’s somewhat nostalgic, replaying the many moments experienced together… all the laughs, the tears… the nyas… the washi washi…?

Mh. Mmh. You know. I think I’m starting to figure out the process of elimination that went behind Umi’s choice, after all. And despite the fact that I can feel a headache the size of Shikoku grow from the sheer number of tragedies I can remember suffering at the hands of my oh so beloved friends, I’m fairly positive I got the shorter end of the proverbial stick.

After all, I’ve only known Honoka for little more than a year. That cannot compare to sharing a whole childhood with her.

“Nevermind, I wholeheartedly understand now.” I solemnly declare from the bottom of my heart. “Your conundrums are in the best possible hands you could ask for.”

Looks like I managed to assuage her tension somewhat, if her relieved sigh is anything to go by. Heheh, being counted on sure does feel satisfying!

“Thank goodness. I knew asking you for advice would be the best choice, even if the bar for all the other options wasn’t set that high to begin with.”

“I’ll get mad. I really will.”

It’s annoying when you get a relaxed smile at my expense, you know.

“Right, so.”

Oh, sure, grow quiet now that I’ve begun treading on forbidden grounds. If you’re going to stay quiet, the least you could do is get started on that parfait before it turns into a puddle at the bottom of your glass.

Siiigh. As always, it falls on me to kickstart things into motion. How tiresome, the responsibilities of a senior!

“You and Eli, huh? Who would have guessed. I always pegged you as more of a Honokaphiliac.”

“Why aren’t you the first to make that kind of assumption...”

“Does  _ ‘Because duh?’ _ sound good enough as an answer?”

I wonder of she’s more annoyed or embarrassed. It’s like those two emotions are wrestling for supremacy on her face and her hand is attempting to put a stop to it with a particularly tired massage.

Feels like déjà vu.

“Is that what you told Kotori before the two of you got together?”

“Something like tha--”

Wait. Wait wait waaait a second here.

“How do you… who told you?”

That’s a shrug, not a response. Unless… ah.  _ Aaah _ . Yes, of course. Childhood friends. As far as talkative little birdies go, it could only have been  _ her  _ who snitched behind my back.

Don’t mind me, Umi. I’ll just be joining your Facepalming Club, if you don’t mind.

“Figures. Looks like the cat’s out of the bag for both of us, huh.”

“You don’t seem particularly enthusiastic about the fact, Nico.”

“More like I can already envision the oncoming cascade of nagging about to sweep me from all sides of our colorful circle of friends. Besides...”

It’s fundamental to know the importance of a dramatic pause. Mere silence would be too merciful - taking a long, drawn-out sip from a straw while staring intently with half-lidded eyes at the person sitting opposite you,  _ that _ ’s how you truly set the stage for your assured supremacy.

“I’m not the one who had to beg for a love consultation, buddy.”

Yeah, that’s right. Who isn’t looking enthusiastic now?

“P-point taken.”

Aww, don’t hang your head low like that, you’ll make me feel somewhat guilty. Guess I’ll just finish this smoothie here real fast aaand… here. Elbows on the table, hands on the cheeks, put my best Love Guru face on, and it’s time to knead this young maiden’s heart into proper behavior.

“So. What’s been troubling you, exactly?”

By all means, take your time. Does the parfait taste good? Yes, no, maybe? I think it would help your tastebuds a lot if you shaved off more than a couple particles with each spoonful, but don’t let me interrupt your silent reverie.

I can still hear it inside my head. The echo of your screams from that one time you saw two people making kissy faces on a screen… how could I even imagine how much this shocking swerve in your life must be affecting you?

“The thing is...”

Yeees?

“I-It’s never happened to me. Stuff like… like falling in love, it’s all completely new to me. It’s just not the sort of thing I ever gave a thought to, but… it happened. I fell.. I f-f-f… I mean, for Eli, I…”

“I get it, I get it. What was it again?  _ Love Arrow Shoot _ ~♡! Talk about irony.”

“When you say it like that it’s a million times more embarrassing! No, make that a billion!”

I can see that much, Tomato Face. And no, I won’t stop grinning until you stop looking like a floppy inflatable person lost in the midst of a tornado.

“Sorry.” Not sorry. “Anyway, is that all? Inexperience troubling you?”

Mmh, getting warmer… the parfait, too. The parfait, Umi! It’ll melt, it’ll really melt! What a waste! Start going down on it, instead of just staring gloomily until it’ll magically disappear! I’m feeling more sorry for it than you!

“That too, but what worries me is… Uhm… Eli is a girl...”

I’ll let my arching eyebrow do the talking for me. Forgive me if I didn’t know Eli’s gender was a mystery up until now.

“I don’t know how--err. What I mean is… I haven’t really thought about girls in that way before. Like… t-their bodies, or… everything else. And so, I’m not entirely sure, how do I put it...”

Okay. Okay, I think I finally figured it out. They should give me a translation award for making sense of this muttered nonsens--

**BANG.**

Woah there, don’t just slam your hands on the table all of a sudden! I almost fell off my chair, you know?! I won’t be of any help from a hospital! A-a-and why are you look at me like your life depended on the words you’re trying your damnedest to spit in my face?

“I-I-I need you to teach me! How to l-l-like girls!”

I can feel myself trembling, and that’s only partially because I’m hanging on the unsteady equilibrium of two out of my chair’s four legs. Even as I hang on dearly to the table’s edge for my life and Umi’s vibrating shadow looms over me, I find the chance to look around me and notice the many,  _ too _ many pairs of eyes staring at me and my excessively loud patient.

I know I said that attention gravitates to me, but I don’t need this particularly shameful flavor of it!

“Sit yourself down and get a grip, you crazy siren you!”

The tables turn as I use the shifting momentum of my body hurling forward to get up and simultaneously grab ahold of Umi’s shoulders, shoving her back onto her seat before sitting on my own and waiting for the whispery fuss surrounding us to sizzle down a bit.

“I got it, I got it! Geez. Take a deep breath.”

I take one of my own while we’re at it, which gets interrupted by the waiter threatening to come and likely ask if anything’s wrong with me or my hysterical friend. A heavily practiced smile and copious amounts of Shooing Fu from my flailing hands is mercifully enough to send the threat away… now to get back to Patient Number One.

“Alright. You… basically, you want me to teach you how to be a lesbian.”

Such a minuscule nod. Was it even a nod, or did your head bob from a sudden gagging reflex, Umi?

I let myself go against the back of the chair, and take another deep, deeeep breath. You! Idiooooot!

“Just for reference’s sake… how do you feel about boys?”

Jeez, we’re talking about relationships here, not astrophysics. Don’t look like you’re trying to wring your brain dry of thoughts.

“Nothing special, I think? Or, more like I’ve never really--”

“Thought about that, yadda yadda, I got it. Lemme rephrase a bit then… what’re your thoughts about men’s  _ bodies _ ?”

“T-that’s--! How shameless!”

Do you really need to hold your cheeks like that? It’s not like they’re going to run anywhere… I think.

“Trying helping me help you at the very least, Umi. Do you, like,  _ like _ them? A yes or no, please. Even a nod’ll suffice.”

...

How am I supposed to interpret ‘head distressingly tilting diagonally!

“Fine, fine, let’s just go with a  _ no _ , since supporting evidence seems to point towards that direction. Thoughts on girls?”

You’re supposed to give me an answer, not a quizzical look while my beautiful visage turns into a grumpy shadow of its former self.

“Breasts!”

“H-huh?!”

I look around me to make sure that I didn’t speak loud enough for a second round of unwanted attention. Just in case, I lean forward, which prompts Umi, bless the much awaited return of her trademark intellect, to do the same. Now that our noses are divided by a few centimeters and my hand is partially covering our mouths from one side, I can whisper, making sure to spell each single syllable as clearly as possible.

“B r e a s t s, Umi. Those lumpy thing all other gi-- _ us _ girls usually sport in front of our chest. Do you like them?”

She’s not screaming, which is a good sign as far those go. I don’t know about her glare, though. It’s like in a matter of seconds and a couple sentences I’ve single-handedly managed to deplete any semblance of faith she might have had in the human race, or at least the demographic portion which excludes anyone on the planet besides me.

“Is that a yes?”

“Of course not!”

No need to yell in my face, princess! If anyone should look indignated and cross their arms, that should be me and my aching earlobes!

“Did you take me for some kind of… some kind of pervert?!”

“No, you dolt! I’m trying to help you figure out if you’re into women or not!”

Be sure to give your head a warm welcome back when it falls from the clouds. Yes, a surprised look with a side serving of goofiness will do just fine.

“S-sorry, I guess I lost my cool there.”

“You did, you totally did! Though, the real problem is that we seem to be at an impasse here.”

“Because of b-breasts?”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Is… is liking them so important?”

Mmh. You, know that’s actually a good question. But if I were to falter here, I’d lose face in front of Umi, and the poor girl’s already knee deep in her insecurities to let her lose the best anchor she could possibly ask for. How do I go about saving this… ah.

I think I got this. It’s a horribly stupid idea, which might well work for a problem that frankly sounds just as nonsensical.

“Enough so that I’m willing to sacrifice myself to the cause of discovering the truth of your feelings for them.”

Aah, jeez! I can’t bear to look at her innocent, confused face… or anywhere else, for that matter. I prefer to shut the world down entirely, letting the darkness behind my eyelids tell me that I’m not about to shame myself in public. The things one does for the sake of friendship…

“Touch them.”

“What.”

Don’t say it so flatly! Ugh, I can’t believe I just thought that myself. No, no, hush, you venomous sac of self-loathing, I need to do this. For the sake of Umi’s sentiments!

Here, I’ll puff my chest out. I’ve even opened the zipper to my hoodie to make things easier for you. Just make sure you don’t put a wrinkle on my cute pink shirt or I’ll kill you, if I don’t kill myself first from an overload of mortification.

“Come on. Just a quick tap for confirmation’s sake.”

“Why a tap!”

“Don’t be greedy, there’s people who would die to put a single finger on me!”

“And I’d rather die than do that!”

“Do you hate breasts that much?!”

“I don’t hate them!”

“Then prove it!”

“No!”

That’s  _ it _ ! Gimme that hand! Resistance is futile! Rejoice, for today, you can enjoy the privilege of tasting softness the likes of which you’ll never be able to enjoy! AAAAAH!

Aaah! Aah… ah.

I can feel my heart beat against Umi’s hand. When I dare myself to wink an eye open, I can see the point where her fingers become one with my shirt. I follow the trail that from her arm leads to Umi’s face, which… wait. Why are you looking away? And why does the excitement that you should obviously be feeling right now look mercilessly close to pity?

“So…”

“S-so…?” Come on, don’t leave me hanging, this is already shameful as is!

“Sorry.”

Somewhere in the distance, I can feel the cars passing by, and the hushed whispers of passers by. Quietly, I release my grip on Umi, and likewise she. We both slide back in our seats, where I instinctively find myself reaching for my chest. As my eyes shift between it and the pity dripping from Umi’s gaze - which still refuses to meet mine - I feel like I’ve suffered an important loss today.

For a little less than a minute, me and Umi enjoy the miserable silence together.

“You know, Nico...”

“Yes?”

“There’s still time…”

Time for what, I wonder.

“For grow--”

“Finish that sentence and I’ll finish  _ you _ .”

“I sincerely apologize.”

What are you holding your hands in prayer for, do I look like some shrine’s fierce deity?

Well. That went nowhere, alright. Which would be fine, except it’s totally  _ not _ ! My utterly crushed social image demands revenge, and I can only answer its beck and call all too gladly, hoping to manage to stifle the grin that’s trying its hardest to surface on my mouth.

“Say, Umi.”

“Mh?”

“With me it was no dice… but what if, I don’t know, if it was Eli. How do you feel at the thought of doing  _ that _ to her?”

It’s a gradual, steady change. Like the sped-up recording of a city’s daily life cycle: it begins quietly in the morning, getting progressively busier as people go about their business, flooding the streets and buildings like impossibly fast ants while the sun jumps over them.

And then, when the night arrives, the city explodes with the vibrant colors of artificial light.

It is a bit like that, except in Umi’s case, it’s her red cells which gradually yet surely color her visage until they haven’t left a single pale spot. Above her hanging jaw, fleeing from lips left ajar, I think I can hear the distant echo of a scream.

Calmly, I announce my exit with the screech of my moving chair. I look down at Umi, whose brain’s attempts to wrestle back control of itself aren’t entirely successful.

“W-w-w-why are you giggling after saying something so outrageous!”

I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. I’ve become a slave to my grin, all because of you, silly, silly girl. As I shake my head and walk around the table, I find myself overtaken by the urge to pat that head of hers that so readily loses its cool whenever it is faced with something strange to it.

“You should look happier, too. You just got your answer, after all.”

Her incessant blinking and furrowing brow, in the midst of her flushed face, seem to tell otherwise. Aw, geez, do I really have to do everything here?

Guess I’ll concede, like a good senior’s wont to do.

“Boys, girls, none of that matters. It’s  _ Eli _ that you love, and that’s all there is to it. Just figure things out naturally as they come, together with your  _ girlfriend _ . I’m pretty sure she’d appreciate you using the time you spend agonizing over some rubbish to smooch her, you know.”

Look at you. I bet babies who see the light for the first time don’t look at it with the same wonder filling your eyes right now. It’s a shame that you immediately lowered your head to hide them…

Oh? What’s that hand resting on mine for, now? Want me to shove it away from your shoulder?

“...you.”

Mmmmh? Louder please~!

“Thank you. I’m glad I asked you, after all.”

Pshh, getting all sappy on me like that. You’re going to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, you know. I suppose I’ll let you give my precious hand another squeeze before letting go.

Turning around as I begin walking away, I’m happy to see you simmering in a pool of your own feelings. I’m not a sadist, I swear! No, it’s just… I can tell that something’s changing, and for the better. You’ve taken one hell of a step, Umi. Don’t you dare tread back - not that I’d believe even for a second that you’d so much as think to do that.

You were strong enough to make my dream true along with the others, after all. The least I can do is cheer you and Eli on.

I hope that this smile I’m giving you, as you timidly wave me goodbye until another spent in sweet idleness like this, will be enough to bestow you with at least a flimsy bit of confidence.

Aaah, it feels really good to be a samaritan… mh? Is there one last thing you want to say--

“Kotori was really lucky to fall for you!”

Nevermind, I take everything back. You… you!

Why is it that you’re so quick to recover your courage when it comes to making me feel flustered in the middle of a crowded street!

GAAAH! Could the wind of change please sweep me away, too?!


End file.
